Just because he is about to be President of the Philippines should not get in the head of Davao City Mayor Rodrigo Duterte.
Of late, he has shown he could do his worse and appeared to have condoned bribery which is anathema to his deep-seated hatred for cheats.
Nay, he himself did the bribing.
Recently, he bamboozled his way to freedom from extreme anger of Roman Catholics for dishing out “putang-ina!” (sonofabitch) directed at Pope Francis, by bribing the Catholic Church with an apology and P1,000 fine he would pay every time he swears.
As events played out, Pope Francis was hit by the “putang-ina” during Duterte’s proclamation speech in Manila as standard bearer of the Partido Demokratiko Pilipino (PDP) in the 2016 presidential race.
Duterte, who was crucified by Catholic priests and laymen and foes and friends alike for cursing the Pope, wiggled himself out of the quagmire by apologizing to the Pope and the predominantly Catholic public.
He said his speech was erroneously read as a verbal assault against the Pope when in fact it targeted the bumbling Aquino government’s failure at resolving MetroManila’s traffic woes.
His “putang-ina” was fired at the monstrous traffic jams at the time of Pope Francis’ Manila visit, he said to calm down the storm.
With the tsunami of attacks from papal fans fading, Duterte would further stretch his luck at religious absolution by meeting with Davao Catholic Church leaders led by Arhbishop Romulo Valles.
Other than apologizing for having made Pope Francis a collateral victim of his “putang-ina” directed at the Aquino administration, Duterte promised he would now be a good boy and avoid cussing.
And without saying a single “putang-ina,” Duterte, who we know hates being lectured by other people, agonizingly listened to the Archbishop’s 2-hour lecture on Christian values, promised to lead a life of good manners and right conduct and as a bonus vowed to tone down the habit and to pay a P1,000 fine if he becomes a recidivist and returns to dishing out dirty fucking words.
Bribery that comes in whatever form and manner is cheating. To our mind, Duterte bribed his way to redemption with that promise to pay fine for swearing.
Duterte is creating a precedent that could depopulate Hell. He is sacrilegiously treading into the spiritual domain and devilishly teaching people to simply pay fine for their sins.
We were told when we were young by priests and parents that swearing or cursing is a grievous sin that could send one to Hell. Duterte was kicked out from Ateneo so he could not have heard the Jesuit priests terrorizing students about being burned in hell if they swear.
With Duterte earning salvation by bribing God’s minions on earth with a fine, what will stop the “putang-inang” grafters and thieves and cheats of this damned earth invoking the Duterte stunt to bribe off Catholic Bishop Conference of the Philippines (CBCP) president Bishop Soc Villegas with fine for whatever sin they commit so they can escape Hell?
Janet Napoles and Senators Juan Ponce Enrile, Jinggoy Estrada, Bong Revilla and other legislators involved in the multi-billion peso PDAF scam, President Benigno Aquino and his budget secretary Butch Abad and former interior secretary Mar Roxas and their cohorts in the DAP scandal, including smugglers and tax cheats could now be cheering Duterte for his formula of salvation from the fires of Hell.
To save their souls from being fried in the crematory of Hell, the cheats and the thieves may now invoke the Duterte stunt, pay fine and put closure to their misdeeds at least before God and his minions on earth.
Having himself did that and for the sake of fairness, Duterte as President of the Philippines and as the Lord God’s enforcer of divine laws on earth, could aimply command Napoles, et al: Mga putang-ina kayo! Save your souls you goddamned thieves! Go to Villegas and pay your fine! Pesteng dyawa!
But back to Duterte and his “putang-ina.”
Duterte’s “putang-inas” are okay with us given our suspicion that the F-word was the first word Duterte uttered when he was born into this earth. You can’t expect a congenital malady to be cured so there is no way to rein in the Duterte mouth to stop spewing out invectives day in and day out. And doctors would say holding one’s temper with the tension not spewed out of the mouth could be dangerous to the health. The pent up unreleased anger or irritation could lead your blood pressure to a boil and cause heart disease. At it’s worse, the anger could result to an abdominal upheaval, cook up farth of the foulest kind in the stomach and you create a public scandal when you let the air out in a people-crowded environment.
Duterte’s swearing, and his dirty fingers, may turn off other people but he is a BisDak (Bisayang Dako) or true-blue Bisaya. The BisDaks of the Visayas region have an armory of vulgar expletives in their dictionary of swear words. “Putang-ina” of the Cebuanos (Duterte is from Cebu), in fact is a tamer version. The Karay-a, Hiligaynon and Ilonggos of Panay and Negros spew out “iyodipuga!” (Fuck the bitch!) like it were the Amen at the end of the Lord’s Prayer. “Dyawa!” (Dam you devil!) is a natural in the lingua franca of the Bol-anon. The Warays of Samar and Leyte are also born swearers with a long list of invectives that could hit you with the ferocity of super typhoon Yolanda.
So why fault Digong when he says “putang-ina”?
The fact is the BisDaks are born swearers, and, believe you me, BisDak children spew out “ pesteng yawa, putang-ina” before they learn to say “mama.” The older BisDaks vomit the same invectives before they could even drink their morning coffee.
We may worry about Duterte paying off his swearing with fine becoming a precedent for others to follow.
But we are not worried about Duterte and his “putang-ina.”
What we are also worried about is that Duterte bulldozing himself with that promised fine to gain forgiveness and salvation may be a tall tale.
If he can wiggle out of a public insult hurled at Pope Francis who is the head of the Catholic Church, he can tell Archbishop Valles “putang-ina ka Valles, I fooled you when I said I will pay the fine!”
Because there are no set and clear rules that would bind Duterte to shell out the fine to Caritas, the welfare agency of the Catholic Church.
We know Duterte keeps his words and is serious about taxes. He claims he has no hidden wealth, dutifully pays taxes to the government.
He is running for President on a strong anti-corruption platform. He has vowed to run after tax cheats and would himself shoot to kill smugglers including their cohorts in the Bureau of Customs and other government agencies. His hatred for thieves in government is as hell-hot as his wish for others to follow tax rules.
He would even pay, he once said, revolutionary taxes to the New People’s Army provided the communist rebels issue official receipts like the Bureau of Internal Revenue.
We believe Duterte will pay the fine, but there oughta be rules.
But without the rules and people monitoring his motor-mouth, Duterte could cheat on the number of “putang-inas” he dishes out and pay less than what is rightfully due the Catholic Church. Never mind if the Duterte fine is remitted to the Vatican where it could land in the dirty hands of thieves and child sex deviates in priestly garb. Pope Francis has ordered an investigation into corruption in the Vatican Bank and priests cum child molesters.
The matter of the Duterte swearing fine is a gray area standing on murky platform that needed clarity.
For example, will duterte pay PP1,000 per occasion he attends where he dishes out dirty words? Will the fine be calculated on the basis of the number of “putang-inas”? Or will the fine be based on the number of words he used in the swear.
For example, “putang-ina” is a one-word fucking dirt. But if we go by its roots, (“puta ka nga ina”), the fuckword is a four-word missile so Duterte must pay 4 times. If we go back farther, “putang-ina” also traces its history to “anak ka ng puta mo nga ina,” which is a seven-word obscenity. So it should be P7,000 for Duterte’s motor-mouth.
The lawyer in Duterte may resort to legal gobbledygook, argue that English is the language of the court and demand he should be fined on the basis of the English translation of “putang-ina” — to save on cost of the fine that would be dug out of his pocket.
If Duterte would be fined on the number of words he used in the swear, he could demand that “son-of-a-bitch” and “sonofabitch,” English for “putang-ina,” are not four-word invectives but single word expletives for which he should be fined only with P1,000. I tell you, when it comes to money, Duterte is not pure Cebuano who are easy with their money. We heard that he is part Bol-anon, who are well known for their being tightwads as they are for their “Pesteng Dyawa!.”
And then there is the question of when Duterte should be fined.
Will he only be fined for dishing expletives at his Gikan sa Masa Para sa Masa television program on ABS/CBN? Will he be fined if he utters the “putang-inas” in parties, in meetings, forums and political rallies? Will he be fined for saying “putang-ina” for his lousy song at video singing at After Dark? Will he be penalized if he “putang-ina” while battling constipation inside a comfort room? Will he be fined if he says “letseng yawa!” after finding out that his fly was open, and people noticing it, while entering the lobby of Grand Menseng Hotel where he was to preside over a command conference on security with police and military?
As we said there should be rules and clarity in this damned fine for swearing on Duterte.
And who will count the number of Duterte’s “putang-inas”? We heard him saying the members of the press could do it. Well and good. Reporters may sometimes stumble on inaccuracy but by and large local journalists are honest and are expected not to invent large figures on Duterte’s number of “putang-inas.” And there is the DDS around the corner if they lie!
The BIR has a policy of giving incentives to agents for high collections. The Customs shares part of proceeds of auctioned contraband to informants who helped in the confiscation.
Archbishop Valles should adopt this policy by sharing proceeds of the Duterte fine to journalists who report about the Duterte motor-mouth committing violations. That would be added income to our journalists who survive on low pay from stingy media outfits.
And then there is God.
The Catholic Church, no matter that its mission gravitates around the spiritual, looks at the color of money as everybody sees money.
The Duterte fine is an added moolah to its bank account to make God and the Vatican happier.
And in business and taxes, there is such a thing as incentive to those who buy more or pay more.
There is a hell of a gold mine for the Catholic Church in Duterte being fined P1,000 every time his motor mouth flicks a “putang-ina.”
Do we hear God saying “PUTANG-INA PA MORE Rody” and Valles will give you a 50 percent discount if you say putang-ina a million times!